Prologue

Just a heads-up, guys, this story is rated M for strong language, GRAPHIC violence, and scenes of a citrusy nature.

Thanks to my awesomesauce beta, Chrisska. Seriously, if she didn't kick my ass on a regular basis you wouldn't be here. Massive thanks also to Landdownunder and OrdinaryVamp for pre-reading and general loveliness. You guys all know how much ILY already!

SM owns Twilight. Updates will be every Wednesday.

Prologue:

"Ugh! Let's just go home!"

Is she kiddi-

I whip around so fast that Bella inevitably walks into my chest, bouncing backwards and struggling to keep her footing on the soggy ground.

"Dude! I totally didn't think of that!" I mock. "Is that what the trail of bread crumbs was for? 'Cause I was under the impression that we were fucking LOST!" I flail my arms out, indicating the dimming woods surrounding us.

I know bickering with her is equivalent to poking a hungry bear with a stick, but the aching in my feet, and the damp chafing my ass totally validate my outburst. She ignores me, pushes past, and stomps through the trees with a gait that clearly says 'I'm mad, but still insist on pretending to know where I'm going.'

As I follow behind, in what I'm pretty sure is still the wrong direction, I consider for the millionth time how she's more trouble than she's worth.

"You could've at least worn something white and clingy," I mutter, looking up at the clouds that refuse to stop spitting rain on my face. I reach in my pocket and attempt to light a smoke, frowning at the weight of the packet. It was full... I glance at my watch... six hours ago.

Six hours.

That's not long, I guess, if you're vegged out on the couch watching 'Law & Order' re-runs. However, walking around in endless circles, searching for a body whose "exact location" we supposedly "remember", makes the time drag.

"Does this area look even vaguely familiar?" I ask, attempting to be constructive.

"Sure." She turns to face me, walking backwards now. "That tree looks really familiar..." she points and squints. "And that one... oh, oh, and that one too! Oh my god, Edward! I know exactly where we are!"

"Fucking comedian."

She sighs, "I don't know why you're being so whiny. It was you who insisted on traipsing out here and moving the piece of shit. He's perfectly fine rotting wherever he is. You just like to over-complicate things."

"Hardly! Bella, if you had even the slightest sense of self-preservation, you wouldn't have been so sloppy in the first place! I'm trying to save your ass getting caught!" I take a breath. "Unfortunately, you'll notice, this happens to be the basis of our entire relationship - me, cleaning up your messes!"

"Relationship!" She scoffs. "This isn't a relationship! It's a you-telling-me-what-to-do-ship. And it doesn't work if you're constantly telling me to do stupid shit." At my silence she turns her back on me again, adding, "You're a shitty sidekick."

Sidekick? Fucking perfect.